Bridesmaid Question

Dear Hayley,

A very close friend of mine is planning her wedding. Our mutual friend, the one who just cannot be excited for her, may or may not be in the bridal party. It's going to be awkward because out of the foursome (our college group of friends) she would be the only one not in the bridal party. 

The bride is very conflicted because 1) Does she endure annoying friend for one day or allow this to be a huge falling out. 

Sure she could endure it for a day but it's her wedding day sooo I dunno it's quite a pickle. 

Thoughts?

PS makes it worse: this friend was in my wedding party. 

 

Sincerely, 

 

A Friend

 

___

Dear Friend,

AHHHHH. I HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.

OK. I will cal the bride "bride" and the friend "annoying girl".

Is annoying girl ALWAYS annoying? Or is she going through a rough patch? Is this consistent with her personality (being jealous, annoying, not happy for others, etc.) or is this just something she is sensitive about?

If this is a VERY dear friend who bride considers family, who she sees herself being friends with for a long time, who is usually lovely and supportive but is probably going through her own stuff right now... I would say put her in the bridal party. And it couldn't hurt to have an honest conversation with her, to acknowledge that annoying girl maybe hasn't been as supportive as bride has hoped; and that bride wants nothing more than to share her special day with annoying girl. Weddings bring up everyone's shit. A lot of people get uncomfortable & downright rude. SOMETIMES it's worth it to be a bit sensitive to that.

BUT.

If this chick is just normally not a supportive person, WARNING. IT WILL JUST GET WORSE. Your bridesmaids should be the people who you can turn to when the wedding shit gets crazy. They should NEVER be the cause of the shit. Not to toot my own horn, but my bridesmaids were freaking. unbelievable. Constantly helping, asking what they could do, SO SUPPORTIVE and GENUINELY happy for me. They submitted to all of my crazy crafts and ideas, and if they didn't think that every single idea I thought was just pure genius, I had no idea. They were exactly what bridesmaids should be, and your friend deserves no less. IT'S HER WEDDING DAY. The only thing she has to "endure" is family, and only if her family is paying. If they aren't, she doesn't even need to really deal with that, hah! A bridesmaid shouldn't be an endurance.

Let this be the catalyst to call out a crappy friend. Who wants more crappy friends? I don't understand why people want to maintain crappy relationships.

Dear dear bride. It is your wonderful wonderful perfect fairytale day where you marry the man of your dreams (i hope). Don't try to please everyone. It's impossible. Please yourself, and your husband. And those who truly love & care about you will be pleased, for the simple fact that YOU are pleased. I promise.

xoxo

The Holidays Are Here...

Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season... mine is swamped. Filled with both festive & non-festive things, but still, phew!

There is plenty to recap on, but that gets overwhelming to me. I'll get to it... eventually. Thanksgiving was spent in CT & was a lot of fun. We had some friends & family over the night before which will hopefully turn into an annual thing. It was fun using so many wedding gifts! It has yet to snow here in MA, but with less than 2 weeks left until Christmas, I'm confident we'll have a white Christmas! (At least, here's hoping...)

Speaking of, I need to finish Christmas shopping. This year has not been easy.

Cheers to family, friends, food & wine, being together & appreciating each other.  Cheers to my first holiday season as a "Mrs". :-) And cheers to many, many more! xo

Lea-Ann Belter Blog Feature

Pop on over to my wedding gown designer's blog to see our wedding day featured!!

http://www.lea-annbelter.com/blog/2012/11/16/lea-ann-belter-annabelle-bride-hayley/

:-)

Quiet...

I haven't been writing, because I feel like there are so many things I want to post. I have 6 drafts started about the bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, wedding morning, wedding day, honeymoon, wedding DIY crafts, etc. None are finished. Blah. 

Guess I just need to set aside some quiet time and do it.

It's dark early now, and it's cold out. First snow of the season came last night.
 

 

9.9.12

A peak into the best day ever.... 2 minute wedding highlights

xoxo

One month ago right now, I watched my favorite people walk down the aisle ahead of me... the doors closed, and it was just my dad & I. My dad looked at me and said, "well Hayl, these are life's special moments you will remember always." The doors swung open, Canon in D played, and I started walking towards my best friend. I never felt so happy in all my life, never felt so sure of anything. When he saw me, he teared up and mouthed, "wow". It was simply - perfect.

There are so many moments that I can remember so clearly, and others that when people re-tell them, I can't believe I can't recall at all. (Like the fact that we watched the movie "Enchanted" before we went to the barn - girls, do you remember that? I had no idea we did that!! Haha, am I so lame or what?!)

I remember after taking pictures together, Tyler & I got to hang out alone in the bridal suite for a bit before we got back with the bridal party for introductions & reception. They brought us champagne & some appetizers from cocktail hour, and we just sat & sortof stared at each other smiling. That is one thing I DO remember - maybe not every little detail, but every little FEELING - I remember feeling like I was going to explode from happiness. 

I did not expect to feel different - we have been together over 6 years, and have lived together for the majority of those years. We've felt "married" for a long time. But wow - I feel different! I feel happy, so happy. Calm. Excited - yes, excited! I catch myself daydreaming about our future more than ever before. Not so much planning it out, but thinking of the endless possibilities, the many different paths we could take, together. There is so much life to live and we get to take this journey together - and I couldn't have found a better person to do it with. 

I keep stressing about getting it all down, every memory, every moment - but I think that's pretty impossible. I think I'll just start writing about the moments as I remember them, as they come to me. (Like yesterday, on my drive home from work, "Any Man Of Mine" by Shania Twain came on, and I just could not stop smiling thinking of my bridesmaids at my bachelorette: we were in the backyard of the cape house they rented, and I was teaching them the line dance! Then at the rehearsal dinner,  we all practiced it again... and finally we all did it at the wedding! So fun!!)

So, cheers. Cheers to one month down, hopefully millions to go. I sometimes feel bittersweet, that the party's all over. I know that's silly - the party is just beginning.

An excerpt from Union by Robert Fulghum

 You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks — all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” — those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” — and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed — 

well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another — acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband, this is my wife.

*thank you Michael for reading this so beautifully at our wedding.

Life Is Meant To Be Shared

From the time we are very small we know that one plus one is two. But when the right people come together, one plus one is actually more than two. Much more.

We are not made to go through life alone. Everything about us is designed to become stronger, happier, and more fulfilled when we have found our love, our partner, 

our matching puzzle piece.

The miracle is that sharing life actually makes life bigger. The arthmetic is magic. Real love always adds, it never subtracts. With love, we doubleour joys, divide our worries, and multiply our possibilities for a life of meaning, romance and adventure.

Yes, life was meant to be shared. Its not what we have in our life, but who we have in our life that counts. If you have found love, you have been given life's greatest gift. How will you celebrate it? How will you use it to grow?

How will you create something beautiful together?

*thank you Charlotte for reading this so beautifully at our wedding.

Post-Wedding Fall Goals

because I love lists.

unplug from unnecessary technology (was SO relaxing to not have phone on for ENTIRE honeymoon. no texts, calls, facebook, twitter, even blogs...)

nest. make my little home well, homey-er.  (should be easy with so many lovely wedding gifts!)

turn off the tv. read, write, go outside.

cook more. and healthier. (because I'm a wife now).

The Wedding

I swear I will take some time to write about the wedding & honeymoon soon, but life comes back at your full force, and I am swamped.

All I will say is that it was the most beautiful, incredible, perfect, love-filled day. Absolute bliss.

Oh, and the honeymoon was fantastic ;-)

But here is a Sneak peek: father/daughter dance





...

A few photos from our big day

More to come....

Woke up at 4am, couldn't stop thinking about little wedding things I didn't want to forget. Could not fall back asleep. Finally, at 5:45am, I just sat up & started bawling. Poor Tyler had probably only had 4 hours of sleep at that point woke up to calm me down. I watched early morning cartoons until I had to get up for work.

While I was in the shower, Tyler made scrambled eggs & turkey bacon & poured me juice. He also had almond croissants warming in the oven.

Just got to work, opened my bag & saw this card.

Thanks honey. Amidst all of this planning, you have been my rock. Love you.

Um, guys...

Less than 2 weeks, I am getting married.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Got TONS done yesterday (all thanks to Meg & Chat). Here is Meg assembling an archway for the ceremony.

I don't have much more to say. CHEERS!

A Quote from my Aunty M

"Sometimes we fall into annoyance. Sometimes we dive in. Maybe sometimes we can choose differently. Give people "the benefit of the doubt." On a beautiful walk in the park early this morning, I must have picked up 40 or so little cellophane juice box straw cover things. Never cared for litterers. Today, I picked them up differently. Thought of the people who might have picked up after me at times. Saw the Momma's who might have been tending to one child while another pair of little fingers opened their straw for the first time. Saw in my mind the sudden breeze that made it dance away. Made me feel differently. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. It works with big things, too; but maybe helps to practice on the little ones."

Letters

Dear Lady I Gave The Finger To On The Highway,

I'm sorry. You were riding my bumper and being rude, but that was no reason for me to be foul. We were both stuck in the same yucky Monday morning traffic. I hope you have a good day today.

Dear Mondays,

Most people don't like you because you end their weekend. I don't like you because of Monday Meetings. I hope one day we can be friends. But not today.

Dear New Salon Location,

I'm sure when you open you will be great. But until then, you kinda suck. And it isn't your fault.

Dear Wedding Crafts,

You are no longer cool. Hurry up & be done, and then all you have to do is look good on 9/9 and we are through.

Dear People Who Don't RSVP,

It's really rude. REALLY rude. Thanks for putting more on my to do list, as I now have to call you & have an awkward conversation. I know you probably aren't coming, but you still need to RSVP.

Dear Hayley,

Gosh girl, you seem pretty riled up for 10am on a Monday. Breathe. Relax. Workout tonight, or walk the beach. Cross a few things off the to-do list, and then chill. Give yourself a break for yesterday (when you were unproductive). R-e-l-a-x. The next few weeks are going to fly by.

Dear Aruba,

See you in three weeks.

Reality check

Spent a good 3 hours panicking when little miss Meg was MIA after a 6-hour car trip from PA (turns out her phone just broke, and being the responsible girl she is, she went straight to the store to get it fixed.) that really shook me up. Stuff can happen in the blink of an eye, and the "not knowing" if a loved one is safe is nauseating.

Beepa was admitted to the hospital this am (he's fine, they are keeping him overnight for observation). He is, of course, laughing and flirting with the nurses.

Tyler got home safe & sound last night, tired, but had a blast.

Now, can someone remind me WHY I would EVER waste ANY energy worrying about silly trivial things like wedding decor, cakes, etc.? 

Thankful & grateful the ones I love are healthy & safe. Hugging everyone extra long today, just 'cuz. You should, too.

SURPRISE!!!!!!

Tyler thought we were going to the cape this weekend.... but I surprised him with a ticket to Nebraska to go home for his BACHELOR PARTY!!!!! He was so shocked. Could not believe I pulled it off. Woohoo!!

HAVE SO MUCH FUN, BABE!!!! Be safe! Love you! xoxo

32 days...

because I'm PMS & getting married next month

(i need to remember that) I'm Grateful for...

good music (specifically sara barielles station on pandora)

a fun new android phone purchased by fiance

tyler working days again and not nights

crossing a bunch off of my to-do list

good weather

the sweetest puppy-girl in the world

the promise of relief in a few days - hah

...

all i really want is my bed

and my dog

and pad thai

and peppermint tea

and tyler

and season 4 of the office

Being Brave

People have been asking Tyler & I if we are excited, nervous, ready, etc., since the wedding is approaching quickly. And our latest response has been, "we just want the day to get here already." Sadly, we both say this in an exasperated, "let's get this over with" tone. Which is not really how we feel deep down. We are just both tired.

Tired of opinions, tired of changing plans, tired of disappointing & being disappointed. Tired of being surprised that, even though we thought every single person that we invited knew us just so well, some people seem to not know us at all. To think that Tyler & I want anything other than a wonderfully relaxed day with our closest friends & family & to just celebrate our love, is beyond me. There is nothing else we want. 

Getting married is a brave leap of faith. Madeleine L’Engle says it perfectly in "The Irrational Season" when she says "ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take.If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected."

As a daughter of a broken 20-year marriage, I really believe that getting married is a risk, and when you love someone as I do Tyler, you look at them and see that the risk of not being together, of not trying, far outweighs the risk of trying.

But having a wedding is also being brave, and I had no idea. We could have just eloped - and sometimes I wonder why we didn't. Well, we didn't because gosh, do we ever LOVE our family and friends. 9/9/12 not only celebrates how lucky we feel to have found each other, but how lucky we feel to have been blessed with such loving family & friends. 

BUT. But we are both the first to be married on both sides. And there are a lot of... opinions. And expectations. And I think most of them come from a place of people being excited for us, but sometimes that doesn't come through. It's a lot. It is A LOT to plan a wedding and get married and coordinate family and friends and to be the center of attention (even if, ahem, you usually love it). It really forces you to, at the end of the day, choose what makes YOU and your HUSBAND TO BE happy. Because that is what this is all about - that is what this new life we are embarking on is about. Making each other happy. I can honestly say that when I feel disappointed, or if someone feels disappointed in me, I look at Tyler and think, "Is Tyler disappointed? Are we happy with our choice?", and as long as THAT answer is "no" and "yes", I'm good.

So, Tyler - it's going to be worth it. All the little stresses will melt away when we see each other for the first time as Stewie walks me down the aisle. Because we make each other happy - we always have and we always will. And this wedding stuff (or "wedding poop" as we have so lovingly called it) will have just served as a stepping stone to where we both know that the most important thing is to just make sure we are both happy.  (And yaknow what? The important people will be happy no matter what our choices are, they will just be happy because we are happy. That is love.)

Let's Start Talking

Women: what's the deal? There are so many challenges & hardships & truths to life that we don't ever talk about. I don't understand. Things could be easier, or more bearable, if we shared our stories with one another. Feeling like you aren't "crazy", like others understand you, like you are not alone, is so comforting when you are facing an obstacle. The most comforting truth in a moment of sadness or despair is feeling that you are not alone.

Let me take a step back. & explain.

My FAVORITE blog posts are when the author takes a moment to get real. It usually begins with " I need to be real for a moment " or "sorry, this post isn't going to be pretty". It's the posts I relate to the most, and truthfully, the posts with the most comments. And most comments read like this, "You just read my mind, I can so relate" or "I feel the same way, thank you for writing this". All of a sudden, I feel a sense of hope, of community. An overwhelming urge to pour out my soul in the hopes that the person I am commenting to can feel that we are one & the same. Not only am I sad that they are sad, and not only do I empathize and relate to their sadness, but it makes me sad that they feel that they have to apologize for these "less than" feelings. Who says we are "supposed to" feel a certain way about certain stages in our life, or certain events? We are "supposed to" always be happy, grateful, appreciative, creative, etc? But sometimes we don't. And we need to give each other, and OURSELVES, some credit and permission to be however we feel. Because that is true. And true is good.

THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. But I think we need more than that. We need a shift in how we think about ourselves. I want others (and myself) to give ourselves permission to be sad, depressed, lost, hurt, whiny, excited, jealous, insecure, confident, whatever.

Big events like getting engaged, getting married, and having babies are portrayed as being happy & wonderful - no one talks about the stress and descision making that comes along with these huge events. No one mentions that it is a combination of wonderful & scary - and that it is OK to be scared! I'm finding myself worrying about children. If I want to stay home - can we afford that? Will I really want to stay home after the great jobs I've had? How will I feel? What can we afford to do? Will I/can I balance my life, and be the wife & mother I want to be? What about changing my name? That's not insignificant, that's huge. That's my identity. And while I want to (and will) change my name to match my husbands, CAN I GET AN AMEN ON THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT AN EASY CHANGE? That it will be weird to have new initials, a new last name? Am I the only one?

When you have the courage to post about something rotten, about feelings you are less-than proud of - thank you. You have no idea how much you may be helping someone, and giving someone the courage to talk about their less-than feelings. We aren't alone. Let's start talking.

"You move just a finger, Say the slightest word, Somethings bound to linger - Be heard." - Into the Woods

Ok, so this is me...

These are my keys.

Yup. The first is to the apartment complex, the second to my door. You know how I remember that? "First you poop, then you wipe."

...

Or, when leaving my house, "my home is not a poop..."

Thank you Messy Jessy for this lovely gift that only I would appreciate. 

R.A.K Challenge!

Thanks to Lindsey over at pillow thought for inspiring a great challenge - Random Acts of Kindness.

R.A.K is a "random act of kindness" - Lindsey provides little cards that you print out in the hopes that once you do a RAK for someone, they pass it on! There are lots of fun & creative ways that you can do something nice for someone, and I think this world (especially Boston) needs a little more NICENESS.

I've done one so far - and it wasn't as "magical" as I had hoped, hah! I saw this girl walking down the street with her dog, and she tripped a bit over the leash and dropped & spilled her whole iced coffee. I quickly rummaged through my purse and found a "RAK" card & a few dollars & ran up to her & said, "I just saw that you dropped your coffee, here's one on me." She looked at me like I was trying to push POOP in her hands and backed away (almost scared!) saying "No, no! Oh, no! No..." but I persisted (am I creepy?) and said, "It's OK, it's a random act of kindness... I'm doing this, so now you pass it on." She took it, I can't even recall if she thanked me, and I walked on.

I felt good - handing her the card helped, because even if I totally freaked her out, hopefully later when she read the card, so got what was going on. (I swear I gave the poor girl a heart attack. Maybe I was too excited??)

I want to do more of these.

I read somewhere that EVERYTHING we do is selfish, even helping others. Because why do we help others? It makes us feel good. That statement doesn't bother me. I sometimes think that it's GOOD to be selfish. And if helping others is being selfish? Well gosh. That's just fine with me. I like feeling good, especially when others do, too.

I believe..

...in walking at your graduation. Because it's something you've earned.

... that everyone gets to decide exactly how they feel. 

... that not all grown-ups are grown up.

...in lattes, hot tea with lemon, and animal crackers. And that they solve problems.

... in true friendships. And that you need to put a lot of effort into them.

... in babies. And children. And the ups & downs. And that you can be the EXACT kind of mother you want to be.

... in marriage. Not that it's easy, but I believe in it. 

... in second chances

... in soulmates

....in reading. Reading is SO important.

... in the future & the unknown.

...in asking for a raise. Whether you believe you'll get one or not.

... in going after something you think is impossible.

...in having important conversations however they feel the most genuine. Online, on the phone, in bed, in the bathroom. Whatever.

...

To blog, or not to blog?

So, I'm confused.

There is this big community of amazing women out there, bloggers, a few of whom I've made contact with recently, and I am in awe. There are these amazing, honest, GOOD, ever-learning, sharing, excited (I could go on and on, just awesome) women out there, and all are connected because they blog.

When I say "they blog", I don't mean what I do here. I don't mean they picked a free template on blogger, and randomly post pictures/thoughts whenever they feel like it. These women are BRANDS. If they don't know html themselves, then they have a professionally designed template from somewhere. They are all photographers in some sense of the word (even if it's just taking pictures with instagram, these chicks are always snapping photos of something!), and they all write. Beautifully. I mean, I was an English major, I can certainly write a thing or two when prompted, but these women love it enough to write a lot. About anything & everything. And everything they write is coherent to the entirety of their blog. It doesn't feel random at all. (No wonder some of them make money off of these blogs!) Check out my list of favorite blogs to see what I mean.

Now, I don't get it. I don't get how amazing photos/articulate & creative writing translates to good/fun/entertaining person. Perhaps it's the type of person that is ABLE to blog tends to be similar? Young struggling artist, stay-at-home mom, writer? But I feel similar to these people, I certainly feel connected to them and think that they would like me if they knew me (hehe), but I can't join the "club" unless my blog is snazzy & I post regularly?

Well, I have a (demanding) full time job and am planning a wedding. I spend a lot of time with family & friends, and when I veg-out, it's usually with a glass of wine & a good book (or old movie). I don't (as of yet) see "blogging" as this great sense of release. I much rather be face-to-face with someone and interact. Job & time aside, I'm also just not the kind of person who can sit still & spill their guts in such a well-contrived, poetic way. I hardly ever take pictures (which I hate & am trying to get better at), and 99% of my blog posts are written quickly  hastily during my lunch break at work.

What I am wondering is, what do I want more: a pretty blog that I update regularly, or a connection and "pass to the club" with these great women? Can I have one without the other? Can I want one, but pursue the other?

Someone please explain...

things i've learned this week

 trust your gut, and your intuition

 be honest, or be quiet

teaching others is almost always the best learning experience

be open

play good music often

don't let others dull your shine

pray for & support others

DO those things that you think of, and then say, "nah.. it wouldn't work because...." JUST DO.

laugh

let things happen

that person you wanna be? be her.

Now, I am off to go dye coffee filters for pompoms & to eat a balanced dinner of stuffed zucchini & strawberry nutella milkshakes.

Bridal Shower, part 2

A wonderful day filled with tea sandwiches, bellinis, good friends, family, gracious gifts & girly excitement. It was a perfect, lovely day. I can't say thank you enough to everyone. I will never forget how I felt that day - I felt like people were really proud & excited for me, and were just so hopeful & full of well wishes for tyler & my future together. It was amazing. 

Charlotte, Meg, Jackie, Me, Jess, Jenn & Dana

Patty, Aunty, Mrs. Haroian, Joanne

Walking in the door & seeing my future mother-in-law coming all the way from Nebraska!

Greeting Grandma Jean, Aunty Marilyn & Nannie

Me, Jenn, Jess & Jess

My table. Isn't the room the sweetest? It looks just like the Dragonfly Inn!

Opening gifts

Meg made this bouquet from ribbons, to be used at the rehearsal dinner!

Me & Mom

My Bridal Shower, Part One

opening gifts

Tyler came!

Meghan & Dana (& a 6ft tall teddy bear named Parker) slept over the night before the "surprise" shower. The girls & I got manis, I got a pedi, and we went home and ordered food and watched movies, chatted & relaxed. (We first tried to watch She's All That, which DANA HAD NEVER HEARD OF, but she thought it was too CHEESY. So we switched to "Where the Heart Is, which Dana had also NEVER HEARD OF, and that went over a bit better.)
I awkwardly got up at 10:30pm and declared it time to go to bed, so i got the girls blankets & pillows & went to bed. Cue Hayley 10 minutes later lying in bed wondering if she's fun enough. Ran back in the living room to confirm that it was indeed bedtime, we were all tired, and I wasn't "making them" go to bed. Guess I am just rusty when it comes to slumber parties.

I'm not quite sure what time we woke up - maybe 9am? I jumped out of bed and started running & jumping around  a la Monica from friends. Also discussed what a great poop I was going to take - ugh. Classy, Hayl. (Well, for a girl with IBS, a good poop is important!! Sorry, TMI?) It was such a fun, exciting morning! I kept saying that I hope I will be just as excited & calm on my wedding day morning. Here's hoping...

So, we showered & got ready (see fab pic below) all together, and headed out the door to get Charlotte. We ran into some traffic and ahem, some detours, but kept it cool by singing Nsync songs as Candy & Shelley frantically texted Dana & Meg, "WTF WHERE ARE YOU :)". Hahaha!!


I wore a black scarf over my eyes for the last 10 minutes of the ride, and kept my eyes closed as I walked in the room...

I immediately gasped, as my future mother-in-law, Kim, had surprised me and flew in from Nebraska!!! It was such an amazing surprise, I ran right to her and hugged her. I then turned to my left, and one of my bridesmaids, Jackie, had flown in from Florida! I truly have the BEST family & friends.

to be continued.....
 

the word of the week is...

gratitude

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

to-do

paint wall in dining room w/chalkboard paint. by myself.

order shelves.

finalize wedding to-do list. include due-dates & who's helping with what.

Things I will make time for in the next few weeks.

1. to make jewelery, a quiet activity that will quiet my mind. i need to quiet my mind.
2. hot yoga
3. surround our bedroom with flameless candles
4. clean bedroom
5. read
6. pool lounging (multi-tasking with anything on this list allowed)
7. write. specifically, a letter to my one-day granddaughter on the kind of mother i want to raise for her.

Moments

I don't have much to say, besides the fact that I have found myself in a quiet, still, content moment. I've been re-reading my blog entries, and they all sound so rushed. It's mostly because, well, they are. I write them on my quick lunch breaks at work. But right now, I'm on the back patio - there's a cool breeze, but it's perfect jeans & sweatshirt weather. I have a hot cup of chocolate chai tea in my "h" mug, ebony is laying on the other chair, and I'm listening to old school country tunes. Tyler will be off work in 45 minutes. Life is good.

I'll try & take more moments to sit quietly to write out some feelings. I don't really know what this blog is for; it started as a way to document wedding planning, but thats really not what consumes me on a day to day basis. I wish I could just download into this little blog my daily thoughts & feelings, but truthfuly I never feel like I can slow down enough to do that. But I'm going to try.

I'm a bit nervous about Saturday. I fear that I will be nervous, distracted, and anxious. I want to be elegant, effortless, glowing, happy. I want to savor every moment, it truly means so much to me. I think I will be able to keep a calm mind...

I'm marrying my best friend in 90 days. I can't imagine life getting any better.

xo

happiness.

a hot vanilla latte

seeing him happy & smiling ear to ear as he re-tells how he caught the foul ball

"laid back beach music" station on pandora

the weather forecast for the weekend - 78 & sunny

plans with great friends

days off with him

a decreasing calendar countdown to 9/9/12

watching others on the brink of exciting changes

honeymoon planning

untitled.

Updates

The graduate(s): CONGRATULATIONS to my brothers, Brad & Johnny, who graduated from UMD, my pal, Charlotte, who graduated from UMB, and to my best friend, Meg, for getting her MASTERS from UMB!  So proud. It has been so much fun celebrating with everyone & reflecting on how far you have all come. I can't wait to see what all of your futures hold for you! This is such an incredible group of people - they all have worked SO hard to get to where they are. WAHOO!!!

The fort: Rainy days + no money + desire to to something awesome just the two of us = the most AMAZING, incredible, awesome fort I have ever seen. Tyler usually doesn't like making a mess, but he completely surprised me by turning the couches on their sides & getting so creative! We built a fun fort with all of the blankets & pillows in the house, and Tyler, Ebony & I hung out all Saturday night watching movies & eating snacks. We even spent the night in there Saturday night - so fun. And since it's going to be rainy & gross all week, I somehow convinced Tyler to leave it up. :-)

The photo shoot: We had our engagement photoshoot with our wedding photographers over Memorial Day weekend, and we had a BLAST. These guys completely calmed our nerves & just allowed us to be US. We had so much fun. Here are some of their favorites from their blog: Hayley & Tyler: Engagement Shoot


The bedroom: I'm giving myself a project in the hopes I can beat any post-wedding blues: make over the bedroom. I'm taking inspiration from this post from cupcakes & cashmere and want our bedroom to reflect a more grown-up, calm and serene place (rather than it's current look - clothes EVERYWHERE). I think new bedding, updates pictures, and moving a few things around will make it feel new & special.

The family: With all of the graduating happening this past few weeks, I've gotten a chance to see lots of family. We even got to skype with Tyler's mom & brother this weekend, which was great. I've been thinking about his parents a lot - they are in the midst of figuring out what to do now that all of their boys are out of the house, which is both exciting and scary. I'm sending them good thoughts & hope they know that we love & miss them!

The wedding: Invites going out this week/next, hair trial this week, SOMETHING FUN on the 16th, food tasting on the 21st... gotta finish crafts... oh! Tyler & I made the table numbers, they came out great. LOTS to do. Need to make another list. 97 days!!!! Can you believe it?!?!

The dog: Well, we brought Ebony to the vet and we got in trouble. Little Ms. Big Booty Judy is now on a diet - and has to go back in 3 weeks for a weigh-in! What a chubby kid. Bad parenting. :-(

I think that is it for now. Happy Monday!

If You Made Me a Mix Cd...

If you made me a mix CD with songs picked out ESPECIALLY for me.....

what would they be?

11 people I would invite to dinner: fantasy favorites

1. Elizabeth Bennet. No, not Jane Austen, I want Lizzie. Her & I would giggle in the corner at the sideways glances of men, and then we'd go get our pants (or petticoats) dirty while we ran around in the mud outside as we took a 3 mile walk for fun. 
2. Randy Travis. His voice is like butter, and I will be the first to admit that I fell in love with him when he was the singing voice of Mr. Hyunh on Hey Arnold. No, I won't give you the link to that, you should already know it. The simple things. Go google it. 
3. Abigail Williams. As inappropriate as this statement is - I am in awe of her. There is no doubt this chick was way ahead of her time - and sassy. She did some horrible things, but I'd like to pick her brain, as I find her fascinating. Speaking of women changing history...
4. Catherine of Aragon. I find her to be one of the most interesting women in English history. This is a great historical fiction novel about her life. She was amazing, strong, loyal & mistreated, and was always the regal queen she was born to be, no matter what circumstance she was in.
5. Anne Bolyn - oh snap, can you believe I am putting Catherine & Anne together at the table!! Crazy stuff. I'll probably separate them by #7, but that might not even go over well.....
6. Kristen Bell. After seeing this video I knew we had to be BFFs.
7. Mark Wahlburg. Enough said. Plus he's HILARIOUS!
8. Carrie Bradshaw. She is just so cool. I need a little coolness here, it's starting to look like a table full of nerds & hot guys. Hah!
9. Michael Scott (and Dwight Shrute could interrupt but not stay).
10. Justin Timberlake. So embarrassing. But whatever, this is MY dinner party!
11. My great-great-great-great-great grandmother who came over on the Mayflower. 'Cuz that's just so cool.
     

Little Gifts

Started this post completely differently, but I think it's important for me to try & hop back on the positive train, so here are some little gifts I received today that (should) make me cheer up.

• 25 thank-you notes from the Patriots Cheerleaders. I read them all, and hang them around my office.
• my afternoon latte & biscotti
• the remote-controlled helicopter my boss brought down for us to play with at the end of the day
• "having" to test nail polish colors & trends at work

• a new real simple magazine to read

• a new recipe i found online today that I have all of the ingredients at home to make tonight



http://www.kevinandamanda.com/recipes/dinner/easier-shepherds-pie-with-roasted-potatoes.html

•  Knowing I was a big part in raising $10,000 for Children's Hospital

Ok - it is almost the weekend, and I have great things planned. Stuffing the lonely-hopeless-3-day-long-darkness back in it's cave... until next month.

Links

Because it's Friday, and I can't form coherent thoughts of my own. And these are pretty freakin' awesome.

Because Molly Said So - Lame Quotes : Because not only is this chick hilarious and always right, but it made me check my facebook profile quotes & reevaluate what they say about me.

Young Divorce - Because everyone should have that carousel feeling with their husband.

I Am Blessed - Because nothing defines me & the people I care about most more than the words in this post.

Enjoying the small things  - Because she is my hero.

Hilarious - Because it is HILARIOUS. Beware, you will waste away hours on this site.

Z Gallerie - Because there isn't one around here, but that is what online shopping is for.

And finally, this:

just because.

Hells yeah, Molly.

http://becausemollysaidso.com/2012/04/19/real-friends/

the kind of women i want to be.

I want to workout 3-4 times a week, and enjoy it.

I want to do yoga in my backyard under the sun and not be distracted by my own thoughts.

I want to eat the foods I like & enjoy, the kinds of foods that make me feel (and look) good, and not feel guilty that I am making others feel bad, or that I am not "one of the group" who is pigging out on pizza.

I want to stop judging women as harshly as I do. I can be pretty bad, and in the end I am only pointing out my own insecurities.

I want to find the "date" in every activity Tyler & I get to do together.

I want to stop worrying about the future, and to embrace & be excited about it.

I want to have more days like Sunday - where I balance doing nothing & getting things done.

I want to remember how good it feels to have the laundry done, the house clean, and soup simmering on the stove. Even if there are more fun things to do - at the end of the day, THIS always feels so good.

I want to read more books, and fill more bookcases. 

I want to start thinking those exciting (but scary) thoughts, and seeing where my imagination takes them.

I want to rediscover the performer in me, and start cherishing music again.

I want to stop looking to others for approval/guidance/inspiration, and to start looking INSIDE MYSELF.

I want to be the person that you can call for a laugh, an ear, a shoulder, or a drink.

I want to be the best wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter I can be. In that order. 

thanks to the wild & wily ways of a brunette bombshell