Let's Start Talking

Women: what's the deal? There are so many challenges & hardships & truths to life that we don't ever talk about. I don't understand. Things could be easier, or more bearable, if we shared our stories with one another. Feeling like you aren't "crazy", like others understand you, like you are not alone, is so comforting when you are facing an obstacle. The most comforting truth in a moment of sadness or despair is feeling that you are not alone.

Let me take a step back. & explain.

My FAVORITE blog posts are when the author takes a moment to get real. It usually begins with " I need to be real for a moment " or "sorry, this post isn't going to be pretty". It's the posts I relate to the most, and truthfully, the posts with the most comments. And most comments read like this, "You just read my mind, I can so relate" or "I feel the same way, thank you for writing this". All of a sudden, I feel a sense of hope, of community. An overwhelming urge to pour out my soul in the hopes that the person I am commenting to can feel that we are one & the same. Not only am I sad that they are sad, and not only do I empathize and relate to their sadness, but it makes me sad that they feel that they have to apologize for these "less than" feelings. Who says we are "supposed to" feel a certain way about certain stages in our life, or certain events? We are "supposed to" always be happy, grateful, appreciative, creative, etc? But sometimes we don't. And we need to give each other, and OURSELVES, some credit and permission to be however we feel. Because that is true. And true is good.

THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. But I think we need more than that. We need a shift in how we think about ourselves. I want others (and myself) to give ourselves permission to be sad, depressed, lost, hurt, whiny, excited, jealous, insecure, confident, whatever.

Big events like getting engaged, getting married, and having babies are portrayed as being happy & wonderful - no one talks about the stress and descision making that comes along with these huge events. No one mentions that it is a combination of wonderful & scary - and that it is OK to be scared! I'm finding myself worrying about children. If I want to stay home - can we afford that? Will I really want to stay home after the great jobs I've had? How will I feel? What can we afford to do? Will I/can I balance my life, and be the wife & mother I want to be? What about changing my name? That's not insignificant, that's huge. That's my identity. And while I want to (and will) change my name to match my husbands, CAN I GET AN AMEN ON THE FACT THAT IT'S NOT AN EASY CHANGE? That it will be weird to have new initials, a new last name? Am I the only one?

When you have the courage to post about something rotten, about feelings you are less-than proud of - thank you. You have no idea how much you may be helping someone, and giving someone the courage to talk about their less-than feelings. We aren't alone. Let's start talking.

"You move just a finger, Say the slightest word, Somethings bound to linger - Be heard." - Into the Woods

My Bridesmaids

I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the six ladies who will stand up for me on my big day - six ladies that I cannot imagine my life without. Whether we talk daily or once a month, live down the street or across the states, have known each other for 18 years for just one, you all make my life easier, more beautiful, and more inspiring with each moment I have with you. You are the women in my life who I can say whole-heartily have my back - and genuinely want me to be happy. That might not sound like a big deal, but it is to me.

Jackie A. - We met in 2006 in the most ridiculous math class EVER - our professor would literally take off points if he didn't like how you wrote your name. I was initially intimidated by her rocker style and thought she was super badass (which she is!) - but we eventually partnered up for a project, and I got to know the sweetheart she is. Throughout our years at UMass, we always made sure we were in at least ONE English class together, and thank GOD for that! We read lots of novels (haha...no, really, we did.....), wrote lots of papers (usually the night before they were due...), but most importantly, we got to know each other. We fell in love with a few professors together (Dyson! Hasratian!) and hardly paid attention - I wish I had saved more of the notes we wrote - we filled NOTEBOOKS with silly doodles, boredom countdowns and venting sessions. Our love for Bret Michaels is something no one else understands ;-) Jackie is someone you cannot judge by appearance - I thought she would want nothing to do with me, that I would be too "preppy" for her - but Jackie is loving, outgoing, and kind to everyone. This is a girl who goes with her gut no matter what other people think, and I respect that as one of her best traits. We've supported each other  through rough times, and I think we both know we are in each others lives for a reason. I highly doubt I would have graduated without her... she is kind, selfless, always learning, growing & challenging herself. And she's totally badass.

Jackie B. - One of the only 2 good things to come out of a rough employment at a south end restaurant that shall remain nameless is Jackie. Jackie came in as our intern in 2010 and brought life and fun to an otherwise sucky situation. As Jackie's time in Boston came closer to an end, our relationship got stronger. Summer patio dinners over sangria turned into late nights - I could talk to this girl forever. We have an absolute blast together, and we both seem to genuinely care about the other, even though we haven't been in the same state for very long! We have similar personalities, and we both know that sometime in the future, we will get to live closer so we can really hang out like the pals we are ;-) Her life goals & what she's accomplished seriously blow my mind - and inspire me to reach a bit further than I think I can. We totally have a "weird" bond - we we're somehow linked, and I'm so happy to call her my friend.

Jenn - Jenn was hired as my supervisor in 2006, but it didn't take long for us to be singing "I can show you the world" (with Jenn doing the male parts, of course!) at our place of employment. After we weren't working together anymore, we continued our relationship (that mostly revolves around eating unhealthy but oh-so-delicious food) with mario kart races, board games, lobster trips & playing with Ebony. Jenn, you are my most level-headed friend. When I need an honest, grown up, no BS answer to something - Jenn is where I turn. What's been really awesome about my friendship with Jenn is that through our many dates (and their mutual employment at Trader Joes), Jenn & Tyler have established their own friendship, which makes plans with the three of us that more fun. I had no idea a simple Aladdin song would turn into something so meaningful to me. I am a very energetic, high-energy person, and sometimes that high-energy can be nervous-energy - but Jenn's energy is calming. It's always so much fun seeing Jenn, something Tyler & I both look forward to. And I love finding the random things we have in common, especially music tastes. (Ace of Base much?!)

Jess - The ying to my yang. Born on the same day (2/22), Jess is my pisces twin. We have so many funny things in common, both big & small. Jess & I met in 2010 (I think we just celebrated our one year anniversary! hehe) Jess & I were in a pretty sucky work situation together; this is the OTHER only good thing to come out of a bad job. I have learned so much from Jess - thank goodness we met when we did. She is thoughtful about everything she does, and can also be just as silly as me. Having her at my office made an unbearable situation something I looked forward to - I actually wanted to go to work, knowing Jess & I shared an office. We would get yummy lunches, play music, laugh, and get through the day together. I'm so happy that we've evolved outside of the office - it's so great to see the both of us in better situations! Jess, you are my sister from a different mister. I could laugh with you forever. So glad you're in my life.

Meg - Oh, Meg - I have so much to say. I have attempted to write your little blurb too many times to count. Meghan would do anything for me - and she has. From driving me to the ER at 2am (and not saying one word when I begged her to take me to the one in Cambridge thats closer to my mom rather than the one down the street) to getting me little gifts every Monday to get through my winter blues - this girl is the best best friend a girl could ask for. I mean it - because even if she didn't do all the things she does (and she does SO MUCH), she would still be the most selfless, caring & dependable person in my life. I could go on forever, but there is more to Meg than just being an amazing friend - she will not settle for less than she knows a person can be. She pushes herself - and others - to reach their full potential (which she sees, even if you don't). She is not afraid to be wrong, she just wants to make sure she has thought out all options. She has gone through more than most, but still continues to find beauty in small things, and knows to trust her heart. Her faith in God, life - and me - keeps me going. Meg, you are my hero in so many ways. And I am so glad you kept a napkin from the first time we hung out. Yup. She did.

Dana - I remember when Dana & her twin brother Michael were born - I asked my dad, "What did they name the girl?" ..... I was already pumped to have a girl cousin (who would be living DOWNSTAIRS!!) to play with. Growing up, we were always close - having her downstairs made her more of a sister than a cousin. We put on plays, played at the beach, were able to deal with our "hilarious" family holidays together, played in the snow, baked cookies with our moms, went shopping.... you name it, we did it. But lately, Dana, you are not only my cousin & my sister, but my best friend. Dana understands me to my core. As she's gotten older, she's grown into someone I look up to (even though it should be the other way around!) - she is smart, beautiful, confident, thoughtful and caring. She is not afraid to be who she is - and who she is is fricken awesome. Thank God for Dana - she gets my sense of humor (which is that of a 6-year old) and laughs along with me. Our Meema is so proud of the relationship we've built, huh, Danadoo?