Happy Friday!

Happy happy friday! my best friend Meg is going to be in town this weekend, yay! We are trying to decide between going to see some live music on Sunday, or watching the Pats game. Now, I'm not a huge football fan, but I am a fan of the environment of a fun game! Good finger food, craft beer, enthusiasm, friends & family... BUT, I'd also really like to see this show... what would you do??

Maybe both?? :-)

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

 

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

What will people think? & "Sharing"

It's why we sometimes feel hesitant to publish or share.  What will people think? 

Let me answer that.  If you share, if you publish, if you write, if you speak, if you are brave and decide to put yourself out there, I promise you, someone won't like it.  Someone won't agree with you.  Someone will misinterpret.  Someone will think that you are silly, unqualified and that your work is crap.  That you are crap.  They might not just think it but they might tell you.  And that won't feel good, especially not the first time you hear it.  But it is necessary.  And it's okay.

- Kelle Hampton, Enjoying The Small Things

There are posts I can't write. A few of my favorite bloggers totally get this - they've once bravely posted something they  ended up taking down for whatever reason. Haven't we all? What's sad is, we feel what we posted. It's true. It's truth. But "putting it out there" is just too much. When it affects others... it changes. Not our truth, but our willingness to share.

I recently told my mom this, that I could never write "my story", because it would hurt others. "OH, ME TOO!" she exclaimed. That even sort of stung. "No, I mean, I know, but... you mean that you can't tell your story. I couldn't even do a who's who in my life on my blog without offending someone."

Sure, if someone wrote out their experience of something, people can offer their different opinions. But that isn't what I mean. I mean, not only can I not talk about my OPINIONS, but I can't talk about existence. I can't reference the smallest of things. I can't talk about my life, as it is. It has to be how others are comfortable with it. THAT, to me, is tragic. That is what hurts. It's one thing if I felt strongly about some idea or thought or movement or personal trial - and I'd write about it and yes, probably hurt some people who didn't like it, and then they would criticize and it would hurt, but I feel I could be strong. I would be standing up for what I believe in.

But what about the other stuff? Stuff I don't really "believe in" one way or another - things that have just happened? That I've had no choice or control over, that I may not agree with, but choose to let go? (Oh, people reading into this, just stop. I'm not referencing anything in particular. Not that brave. Yet. In fact, I am being SO vague, that I don't even know if this post makes sense.) I don't know if I can bravely share those things with the world. Maybe I'm just not ready, maybe it isn't mine to share.

Or maybe I am doing myself a disservice. Maybe I aim to please a bit too much, and put on different faces to different people and hide certain comments that I shouldn't. I should just be me, 100% of the time, take it or leave it. (Remember that quote in The Departed, where Mark Walberg is talking to Leo about being a cop, or appearing to be a cop? He talks about how his parents where divorced and lived in different parts of town... "You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your "R"s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fuckin' donkey on the weekends. I got that right? Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn't you? You little fuckin' snake. You were like different people."

WHOA.

I wrote a note to a fellow blogger who asked about my "story". And I poured it out. I have never done that before. Not in therapy, not in a journal, not to a friend, not to Tyler... I  haven't even thought about a lot of it until I was writing it out. It was hard, it sucked, it was therapeutic, it was brave. And I'm so, so happy I did. And I wonder if one day I'll be brave enough to really share it, or if I will want to.

I wonder who I am hurting by NOT sharing. Is it, like Kelle says, necessary?

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." 

 Bill Cosby

"No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it. The treasure we seek requires no lengthy expedition, no expensive equipment, no superior aptitude or special company. All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.”

Barbara Brown Taylor

No resolutions

I don't have a New Years resolution. I don't have a 2012 recap. I'm not willing to let go of 2012, just not yet. (I can't believe I can't say "I got married this year" anymore! WHAT. No fair.)

But I do have a list. I'm going to make copies of this list and put it up in my office, in my room, maybe even in the bathroom. This list is a list of things I want to do, need to focus on, or want to be better at. Some need an "explanation", some don't. 

1. Drink more water
2. Take care of your skin
3. Take vitamins
4. Do yoga once a week
5. Eat healthy
6. Relax - less caffeine (and booze only on weekends?)
7. Print out pictures (gosh I haven't even printed one wedding photo yet)
8. Frame/scrapbook (honeymoon album sits HALF done...)
9. Record (goes with the above two... need to start recording details)
10. LESS social media
11. LESS cell phone
12. MORE music/books/outside time (thank you kindle!)
13. Focus on only GOOD
14. Get ready for newness
15. "Life board" (I'm going to create a visual life board of things I want...)

So, that's it. I also have little blurbs of smaller things, "do a juice cleanse!", "go skiing!", "Visit Nebraska!"which I will keep adding to. 

Tryin' to be #13 and focus on the really, really good year that 2013 is gonna be. :-)