Bridesmaid Question

Dear Hayley,

A very close friend of mine is planning her wedding. Our mutual friend, the one who just cannot be excited for her, may or may not be in the bridal party. It's going to be awkward because out of the foursome (our college group of friends) she would be the only one not in the bridal party. 

The bride is very conflicted because 1) Does she endure annoying friend for one day or allow this to be a huge falling out. 

Sure she could endure it for a day but it's her wedding day sooo I dunno it's quite a pickle. 

Thoughts?

PS makes it worse: this friend was in my wedding party. 

 

Sincerely, 

 

A Friend

 

___

Dear Friend,

AHHHHH. I HAVE SUCH STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS.

OK. I will cal the bride "bride" and the friend "annoying girl".

Is annoying girl ALWAYS annoying? Or is she going through a rough patch? Is this consistent with her personality (being jealous, annoying, not happy for others, etc.) or is this just something she is sensitive about?

If this is a VERY dear friend who bride considers family, who she sees herself being friends with for a long time, who is usually lovely and supportive but is probably going through her own stuff right now... I would say put her in the bridal party. And it couldn't hurt to have an honest conversation with her, to acknowledge that annoying girl maybe hasn't been as supportive as bride has hoped; and that bride wants nothing more than to share her special day with annoying girl. Weddings bring up everyone's shit. A lot of people get uncomfortable & downright rude. SOMETIMES it's worth it to be a bit sensitive to that.

BUT.

If this chick is just normally not a supportive person, WARNING. IT WILL JUST GET WORSE. Your bridesmaids should be the people who you can turn to when the wedding shit gets crazy. They should NEVER be the cause of the shit. Not to toot my own horn, but my bridesmaids were freaking. unbelievable. Constantly helping, asking what they could do, SO SUPPORTIVE and GENUINELY happy for me. They submitted to all of my crazy crafts and ideas, and if they didn't think that every single idea I thought was just pure genius, I had no idea. They were exactly what bridesmaids should be, and your friend deserves no less. IT'S HER WEDDING DAY. The only thing she has to "endure" is family, and only if her family is paying. If they aren't, she doesn't even need to really deal with that, hah! A bridesmaid shouldn't be an endurance.

Let this be the catalyst to call out a crappy friend. Who wants more crappy friends? I don't understand why people want to maintain crappy relationships.

Dear dear bride. It is your wonderful wonderful perfect fairytale day where you marry the man of your dreams (i hope). Don't try to please everyone. It's impossible. Please yourself, and your husband. And those who truly love & care about you will be pleased, for the simple fact that YOU are pleased. I promise.

xoxo

The Holidays Are Here...

Hope everyone is enjoying their holiday season... mine is swamped. Filled with both festive & non-festive things, but still, phew!

There is plenty to recap on, but that gets overwhelming to me. I'll get to it... eventually. Thanksgiving was spent in CT & was a lot of fun. We had some friends & family over the night before which will hopefully turn into an annual thing. It was fun using so many wedding gifts! It has yet to snow here in MA, but with less than 2 weeks left until Christmas, I'm confident we'll have a white Christmas! (At least, here's hoping...)

Speaking of, I need to finish Christmas shopping. This year has not been easy.

Cheers to family, friends, food & wine, being together & appreciating each other.  Cheers to my first holiday season as a "Mrs". :-) And cheers to many, many more! xo

Lea-Ann Belter Blog Feature

Pop on over to my wedding gown designer's blog to see our wedding day featured!!

http://www.lea-annbelter.com/blog/2012/11/16/lea-ann-belter-annabelle-bride-hayley/

:-)

Quiet...

I haven't been writing, because I feel like there are so many things I want to post. I have 6 drafts started about the bachelorette, rehearsal dinner, wedding morning, wedding day, honeymoon, wedding DIY crafts, etc. None are finished. Blah. 

Guess I just need to set aside some quiet time and do it.

It's dark early now, and it's cold out. First snow of the season came last night.
 

 

9.9.12

A peak into the best day ever.... 2 minute wedding highlights

xoxo

One month ago right now, I watched my favorite people walk down the aisle ahead of me... the doors closed, and it was just my dad & I. My dad looked at me and said, "well Hayl, these are life's special moments you will remember always." The doors swung open, Canon in D played, and I started walking towards my best friend. I never felt so happy in all my life, never felt so sure of anything. When he saw me, he teared up and mouthed, "wow". It was simply - perfect.

There are so many moments that I can remember so clearly, and others that when people re-tell them, I can't believe I can't recall at all. (Like the fact that we watched the movie "Enchanted" before we went to the barn - girls, do you remember that? I had no idea we did that!! Haha, am I so lame or what?!)

I remember after taking pictures together, Tyler & I got to hang out alone in the bridal suite for a bit before we got back with the bridal party for introductions & reception. They brought us champagne & some appetizers from cocktail hour, and we just sat & sortof stared at each other smiling. That is one thing I DO remember - maybe not every little detail, but every little FEELING - I remember feeling like I was going to explode from happiness. 

I did not expect to feel different - we have been together over 6 years, and have lived together for the majority of those years. We've felt "married" for a long time. But wow - I feel different! I feel happy, so happy. Calm. Excited - yes, excited! I catch myself daydreaming about our future more than ever before. Not so much planning it out, but thinking of the endless possibilities, the many different paths we could take, together. There is so much life to live and we get to take this journey together - and I couldn't have found a better person to do it with. 

I keep stressing about getting it all down, every memory, every moment - but I think that's pretty impossible. I think I'll just start writing about the moments as I remember them, as they come to me. (Like yesterday, on my drive home from work, "Any Man Of Mine" by Shania Twain came on, and I just could not stop smiling thinking of my bridesmaids at my bachelorette: we were in the backyard of the cape house they rented, and I was teaching them the line dance! Then at the rehearsal dinner,  we all practiced it again... and finally we all did it at the wedding! So fun!!)

So, cheers. Cheers to one month down, hopefully millions to go. I sometimes feel bittersweet, that the party's all over. I know that's silly - the party is just beginning.

An excerpt from Union by Robert Fulghum

 You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making promises and agreements in an informal way. All those conversations that were held riding in a car or over a meal or during long walks — all those sentences that began with “When we’re married” and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” — those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” — and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.

The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things we’ve promised and hoped and dreamed — 

well, I meant it all, every word.”

Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another — acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, and even teacher, for you have learned much from one another in these last few years. Now you shall say a few words that take you across a threshold of life, and things will never quite be the same between you. For after these vows, you shall say to the world, this is my husband, this is my wife.

*thank you Michael for reading this so beautifully at our wedding.