Friday, February 22, 2013

On birthdays

Happy 26th to me!

I woke up to a quiet house... Tyler had already gone to work around 4:30am (and I can hazily remember him kissing my goodbye and whispering, "happy birthday!" before he left.) and I was immediately sad to wake up alone on my birthday. I started going through my phone, reading a few blog posts. Kelle Hampton's birth story of her newest baby Dash made me cry. I opened the bedroom door to the rest of the house, and it looked the same as I had left it the night before. Dirty dishes, mail piling up, clothes on the floor. (What was I expecting, the house to know it was my birthday?) I cried again, feeling... raw.

Went into the bathroom to see this

which made me giggle.

Jammed out to some good tunes on the way to work. Hardly any traffic. Stopped at Starbucks, where I got a free birthday drink... that they forgot to make. 15 minutes later, latte in hand (and a free drink ticket for next time, too), I get to my office, where I was surprised with a happy birthday banner & singing balloons. So great. :)

It's Jess's birthday today, too. As we texted morning birthday wishes, we both confessed that we'd cried multiple times already that morning. I said to her, "I feel very.... Raw. Not really in a negative way, I just feel open and raw and exposed, with an overwhelming capacity for greatness. That is so cheesy but it's true. Like today I have a direct line to the universe. So I'm really really feeling feelings today. Sad, happy, excited, nervous, overwhelmed, disappointed...."

I wonder if that's true. If on your birthday, that whatever magic was present when we came into this world is there again, just for the day.

My capacity today for love is OUTSTANDING. For love, for excitement, for joy - through. the. roof. The smallest things are just making my day amazing. And yet the opposite is also true. The smallest things can send me to the darkest, saddest, loneliest place. I feel open, bare... like how a great hug can sometimes make you sad. (Anyone? Anyone?) 

Reading this it may just sound like I'm emotional, but it's so much more than that. It's quieter than that. It's something I can sit back & observe, as if it isn't happening to me...

Anyways. Here's to making birthdays amazing - cheers to all who are doing just that for me today.

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