Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Obligatory Thankful Thanksgiving Post

... but I am feeling particularly thankful this year. And I love this holiday - no gifts, and other than black friday (oh, the joys of living by walmart... not!), not much commercialization. Just family, friends, and reflection.

We had a great time at my moms this year... a very LOUD great time. And my Dad sends me little texts throughout the day "are you full?" or "santa came!... oh wait" to let me know he's thinking of us... I'm not sure if he knows, but I always feel a twinge of sadness on holidays that I'm not with one parent or the other, and his texts sure make me feel better about it all.

The night after turkey day Tyler & I went and saw the Trans Siberian Orchestra - holy moly, it was AMAZING! Completely surpassed our expectations. The lights, the music, the talent! SO much fun, I hope this turns into an annual thing! We even got to meet them & get autographs afterwards. 

So, to put out into the universe that I am oh-so-thankful for my blessings, here is a list.

  • Friends: I am thankful to have each & every friend in my life. You mean more to me than you know, because I no longer let in people who aren't good for me. So thank you for being you, and for teaching me how to be a better friend.
  • Family: Oh the crazys. I wouldn't be who I am without my extremely diverse family, and for them, I am thankful.
  • Ebony: I am thankful for the sweetest little thing on four legs who knows exactly how to snuggle when I'm sad.
  • Our home: I am thankful for warmth, security, and that the tiniest spots can be "home" to us.
  • Our health: I am oh so thankful for heath into the new year.
  • Tyler: My favorite Thanksgiving thankfulness: to my husband-to-be (280 days!), a day does not go by that I am not thankful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving, and let the Christmas countdown begin!!!

Friday, November 11, 2011


 Oh Tyler. How you put up with me, I will never understand. Most of the time, my bad moods worsen because I can't stand MYSELF. I don't know how you do it.

I'm already getting a bit stressed out about wedding planning. It's so much money, so much detail - it's all very overwhelming! Combine that with the days getting shorter, colder, holidays approaching, job stress... I have not been a very nice person to be around lately.

Lately, I've been envying others. Their clothes, their jobs, their lives, their situations, where they live - I think to myself "wow, they are so lucky" or "I wish I was more like that" "I wish I had those things" - and it takes me a minute to realize that most of the things I'm envying of others, I do have. I'm just not taking the time to enjoy & appreciate it. I've never been a fan of the phrase "this should be the happiest time in your life!" because it puts unfair & unrealistic pressure on what you "should" be feeling. Big moments can feel happy, sad & scary and still be wonderful. But I think I am missing out on some of the "happy". Yes, it's OK to be worried & stressed, but remember that this is a HAPPY time, a wonderful time, a time others ill envy YOU for (that sounds awful, but it helps put things into perspective for me!)

Anyway - this all came about when I was looking at these photos, specifically the one of the groom crying when he sees his bride for the first time. I saw it first on pinterest, with the caption "I'd like to be adored like this someday".


I've (sort of jokingly) said to Tyler - "Um, don't bawl your eyes out at the wedding. Don't stand up there sobbing. I know you're gonna." I was (I think) so nervous myself about the emotions of the day, I thought I wanted him to be strong. But now, seeing it from afar - how lucky am I? How dare I tell my husband-to-be not to feel exactly what he feels on our wedding day? To tell him to hide that precious, perfect moment when he sees me for the first time? People want that. I want that. (Well, to clarify, I'm not asking Tyler to now cry, I want him to do whatever he feels at the time.)

So, Tyler: I'm sorry I try to control things. It's just because I'm scared. But you are perfect to me, and I just want you to keep being you. I'm sorry if I don't always appreciate you until I notice others appreciating your qualities. I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Forgive me, but...

I really don't like my outfit today - so I don't want to show you "what my friday looks like".

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


It's coming... that-which-shall-not-be-named, that I can usually push through until the holidays are over... I can feel it. So I will do what I always do - throw myself into the holidays & pray I come out of them maintaining my good cheer.