Woke up at 4am, couldn't stop thinking about little wedding things I didn't want to forget. Could not fall back asleep. Finally, at 5:45am, I just sat up & started bawling. Poor Tyler had probably only had 4 hours of sleep at that point woke up to calm me down. I watched early morning cartoons until I had to get up for work.

While I was in the shower, Tyler made scrambled eggs & turkey bacon & poured me juice. He also had almond croissants warming in the oven.

Just got to work, opened my bag & saw this card.

Thanks honey. Amidst all of this planning, you have been my rock. Love you.

SURPRISE!!!!!!

Tyler thought we were going to the cape this weekend.... but I surprised him with a ticket to Nebraska to go home for his BACHELOR PARTY!!!!! He was so shocked. Could not believe I pulled it off. Woohoo!!

HAVE SO MUCH FUN, BABE!!!! Be safe! Love you! xoxo

Perspective.

 Oh Tyler. How you put up with me, I will never understand. Most of the time, my bad moods worsen because I can't stand MYSELF. I don't know how you do it.

I'm already getting a bit stressed out about wedding planning. It's so much money, so much detail - it's all very overwhelming! Combine that with the days getting shorter, colder, holidays approaching, job stress... I have not been a very nice person to be around lately.

Lately, I've been envying others. Their clothes, their jobs, their lives, their situations, where they live - I think to myself "wow, they are so lucky" or "I wish I was more like that" "I wish I had those things" - and it takes me a minute to realize that most of the things I'm envying of others, I do have. I'm just not taking the time to enjoy & appreciate it. I've never been a fan of the phrase "this should be the happiest time in your life!" because it puts unfair & unrealistic pressure on what you "should" be feeling. Big moments can feel happy, sad & scary and still be wonderful. But I think I am missing out on some of the "happy". Yes, it's OK to be worried & stressed, but remember that this is a HAPPY time, a wonderful time, a time others ill envy YOU for (that sounds awful, but it helps put things into perspective for me!)

Anyway - this all came about when I was looking at these photos, specifically the one of the groom crying when he sees his bride for the first time. I saw it first on pinterest, with the caption "I'd like to be adored like this someday".

Wow.

I've (sort of jokingly) said to Tyler - "Um, don't bawl your eyes out at the wedding. Don't stand up there sobbing. I know you're gonna." I was (I think) so nervous myself about the emotions of the day, I thought I wanted him to be strong. But now, seeing it from afar - how lucky am I? How dare I tell my husband-to-be not to feel exactly what he feels on our wedding day? To tell him to hide that precious, perfect moment when he sees me for the first time? People want that. I want that. (Well, to clarify, I'm not asking Tyler to now cry, I want him to do whatever he feels at the time.)

So, Tyler: I'm sorry I try to control things. It's just because I'm scared. But you are perfect to me, and I just want you to keep being you. I'm sorry if I don't always appreciate you until I notice others appreciating your qualities. I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

Wifey To Be - update (or part two)

Here is an update of this post.

1. Shaving my legs - Ok we will have to ask Tyler how I'm doing on this one. I feel like I should get a B+ for effort. 80% of the time I am smooth as a baby's bum. But c'mon, who shaves in the winter? Right? Right?

2. Speaking kindly - I am TRYING on this one. Speaking kindly is something I want to come naturally and as second-nature to me, but I know that will take a lot of effort. Sometimes, after I am rude, I then say how I should have said it, in a much nicer, calmer tone. Does that count?

3. Clean up after myself - I think I am doing the best on this one. I do laundry and clean the house daily. I don't make the bed, though. That is my next goal!

4. Hm... I don't know how I've done here. I'll have to ask him, I think I sortof forgot about this one.

5.

Because If I Try To Articulate This Myself Right Now, I Would Cry (an excerpt)

An excerpt from a favorite blog on how I'm feeling about Tyler's work schedule.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

SERiously. This is worse than a splinter, a blister, a cavity, or rug burn. This is worse than low fat ice cream, flat soda, mushy sushi, or raw potatoes. This is worse than rotting mice, poop stuck on your shoe, morning breath, or second hand smoke in your face. This is worse than the subway pulling away just as you swipe your metrocard, than opening up your favorite box of cereal to find only crumbs, than pulling the cookies out of the oven to discover they're burnt, or finally finding shoes you like only to learn they don't have them in your size.

SERiously, Naomi. Come home already.

This being apart is really bad....

 

From rockstar diaries

Honey, You Were Right.

Our favorite NYC brunch spot? The one where we totally lucked out that perfect nyc weekend and got the special table on it's own little deck? Where I fell in love with watermelon + feta salad, and we walked around soho + went into the students art fair?

You were right, it's called public. I forgot.

Wifey To Be - part one.

Thanks to this article, I am going to select 5 things to do for the next month or two, without telling Tyler, and report back to see if he noticed, and to see if it improves our (already lovely) life.

1. Shaving - I often neglect shaving my legs, so sue me. I think Tyler would really appreciate it if I kept up with smooth legs, and hey, it is summertime. So I will have smooth, shaven legs.

2. Speak Kindly -  This is something that is really important to me. Sometimes I take things out on Tyler, and he is the most important person in my life. He deserves the best version of me, so I am going to make a point of ALWAYS speaking kindly. Even when I'm frustrated. Or PMS.

3. Clean Up After Myself - Yup, I am a slob. Like, in the worst sense of the word. I want more than anything to be that girl who has the adorable (and clean!) house, and I am really going to take that seriously when we move next month. I want Tyler to know I take our marriage seriously - and I want to make a great home for us.

4. Make Special Time For Us- I've notice Tyler wakes up at 8am (when he just got home from work at 1am) just so he can see me. I think I can wait up for him a few nights a week.

5. Pay Attention - To sports, to Trader Joes, to Nebraska, to him. Not that I don't, I just think I can do better.