One month ago right now, I watched my favorite people walk down the aisle ahead of me... the doors closed, and it was just my dad & I. My dad looked at me and said, "well Hayl, these are life's special moments you will remember always." The doors swung open, Canon in D played, and I started walking towards my best friend. I never felt so happy in all my life, never felt so sure of anything. When he saw me, he teared up and mouthed, "wow". It was simply - perfect.

There are so many moments that I can remember so clearly, and others that when people re-tell them, I can't believe I can't recall at all. (Like the fact that we watched the movie "Enchanted" before we went to the barn - girls, do you remember that? I had no idea we did that!! Haha, am I so lame or what?!)

I remember after taking pictures together, Tyler & I got to hang out alone in the bridal suite for a bit before we got back with the bridal party for introductions & reception. They brought us champagne & some appetizers from cocktail hour, and we just sat & sortof stared at each other smiling. That is one thing I DO remember - maybe not every little detail, but every little FEELING - I remember feeling like I was going to explode from happiness. 

I did not expect to feel different - we have been together over 6 years, and have lived together for the majority of those years. We've felt "married" for a long time. But wow - I feel different! I feel happy, so happy. Calm. Excited - yes, excited! I catch myself daydreaming about our future more than ever before. Not so much planning it out, but thinking of the endless possibilities, the many different paths we could take, together. There is so much life to live and we get to take this journey together - and I couldn't have found a better person to do it with. 

I keep stressing about getting it all down, every memory, every moment - but I think that's pretty impossible. I think I'll just start writing about the moments as I remember them, as they come to me. (Like yesterday, on my drive home from work, "Any Man Of Mine" by Shania Twain came on, and I just could not stop smiling thinking of my bridesmaids at my bachelorette: we were in the backyard of the cape house they rented, and I was teaching them the line dance! Then at the rehearsal dinner,  we all practiced it again... and finally we all did it at the wedding! So fun!!)

So, cheers. Cheers to one month down, hopefully millions to go. I sometimes feel bittersweet, that the party's all over. I know that's silly - the party is just beginning.

SURPRISE!!!!!!

Tyler thought we were going to the cape this weekend.... but I surprised him with a ticket to Nebraska to go home for his BACHELOR PARTY!!!!! He was so shocked. Could not believe I pulled it off. Woohoo!!

HAVE SO MUCH FUN, BABE!!!! Be safe! Love you! xoxo

Being Brave

People have been asking Tyler & I if we are excited, nervous, ready, etc., since the wedding is approaching quickly. And our latest response has been, "we just want the day to get here already." Sadly, we both say this in an exasperated, "let's get this over with" tone. Which is not really how we feel deep down. We are just both tired.

Tired of opinions, tired of changing plans, tired of disappointing & being disappointed. Tired of being surprised that, even though we thought every single person that we invited knew us just so well, some people seem to not know us at all. To think that Tyler & I want anything other than a wonderfully relaxed day with our closest friends & family & to just celebrate our love, is beyond me. There is nothing else we want. 

Getting married is a brave leap of faith. Madeleine L’Engle says it perfectly in "The Irrational Season" when she says "ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.

To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take.If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected."

As a daughter of a broken 20-year marriage, I really believe that getting married is a risk, and when you love someone as I do Tyler, you look at them and see that the risk of not being together, of not trying, far outweighs the risk of trying.

But having a wedding is also being brave, and I had no idea. We could have just eloped - and sometimes I wonder why we didn't. Well, we didn't because gosh, do we ever LOVE our family and friends. 9/9/12 not only celebrates how lucky we feel to have found each other, but how lucky we feel to have been blessed with such loving family & friends. 

BUT. But we are both the first to be married on both sides. And there are a lot of... opinions. And expectations. And I think most of them come from a place of people being excited for us, but sometimes that doesn't come through. It's a lot. It is A LOT to plan a wedding and get married and coordinate family and friends and to be the center of attention (even if, ahem, you usually love it). It really forces you to, at the end of the day, choose what makes YOU and your HUSBAND TO BE happy. Because that is what this is all about - that is what this new life we are embarking on is about. Making each other happy. I can honestly say that when I feel disappointed, or if someone feels disappointed in me, I look at Tyler and think, "Is Tyler disappointed? Are we happy with our choice?", and as long as THAT answer is "no" and "yes", I'm good.

So, Tyler - it's going to be worth it. All the little stresses will melt away when we see each other for the first time as Stewie walks me down the aisle. Because we make each other happy - we always have and we always will. And this wedding stuff (or "wedding poop" as we have so lovingly called it) will have just served as a stepping stone to where we both know that the most important thing is to just make sure we are both happy.  (And yaknow what? The important people will be happy no matter what our choices are, they will just be happy because we are happy. That is love.)

Bridal Shower, part 2

A wonderful day filled with tea sandwiches, bellinis, good friends, family, gracious gifts & girly excitement. It was a perfect, lovely day. I can't say thank you enough to everyone. I will never forget how I felt that day - I felt like people were really proud & excited for me, and were just so hopeful & full of well wishes for tyler & my future together. It was amazing. 

Charlotte, Meg, Jackie, Me, Jess, Jenn & Dana

Patty, Aunty, Mrs. Haroian, Joanne

Walking in the door & seeing my future mother-in-law coming all the way from Nebraska!

Greeting Grandma Jean, Aunty Marilyn & Nannie

Me, Jenn, Jess & Jess

My table. Isn't the room the sweetest? It looks just like the Dragonfly Inn!

Opening gifts

Meg made this bouquet from ribbons, to be used at the rehearsal dinner!

Me & Mom

My Bridal Shower, Part One

opening gifts

Tyler came!

Meghan & Dana (& a 6ft tall teddy bear named Parker) slept over the night before the "surprise" shower. The girls & I got manis, I got a pedi, and we went home and ordered food and watched movies, chatted & relaxed. (We first tried to watch She's All That, which DANA HAD NEVER HEARD OF, but she thought it was too CHEESY. So we switched to "Where the Heart Is, which Dana had also NEVER HEARD OF, and that went over a bit better.)
I awkwardly got up at 10:30pm and declared it time to go to bed, so i got the girls blankets & pillows & went to bed. Cue Hayley 10 minutes later lying in bed wondering if she's fun enough. Ran back in the living room to confirm that it was indeed bedtime, we were all tired, and I wasn't "making them" go to bed. Guess I am just rusty when it comes to slumber parties.

I'm not quite sure what time we woke up - maybe 9am? I jumped out of bed and started running & jumping around  a la Monica from friends. Also discussed what a great poop I was going to take - ugh. Classy, Hayl. (Well, for a girl with IBS, a good poop is important!! Sorry, TMI?) It was such a fun, exciting morning! I kept saying that I hope I will be just as excited & calm on my wedding day morning. Here's hoping...

So, we showered & got ready (see fab pic below) all together, and headed out the door to get Charlotte. We ran into some traffic and ahem, some detours, but kept it cool by singing Nsync songs as Candy & Shelley frantically texted Dana & Meg, "WTF WHERE ARE YOU :)". Hahaha!!


I wore a black scarf over my eyes for the last 10 minutes of the ride, and kept my eyes closed as I walked in the room...

I immediately gasped, as my future mother-in-law, Kim, had surprised me and flew in from Nebraska!!! It was such an amazing surprise, I ran right to her and hugged her. I then turned to my left, and one of my bridesmaids, Jackie, had flown in from Florida! I truly have the BEST family & friends.

to be continued.....
 

Love.

Start with Chapter One, read through Chapter Four.

http://itsahuntlife.blogspot.com/search/label/our%20story

I think it’s one of the sweetest love stories. I love that they are unconventional, that they were probably harshly judged for their relationship but I never get “defensive” from her. She is too happy to be defensive. 

Cheers to real love, cheers to finding it, cheers to having family & friends who know you, love you, & support you when you do.

<3