Oh Tyler. How you put up with me, I will never understand. Most of the time, my bad moods worsen because I can't stand MYSELF. I don't know how you do it.
I'm already getting a bit stressed out about wedding planning. It's so much money, so much detail - it's all very overwhelming! Combine that with the days getting shorter, colder, holidays approaching, job stress... I have not been a very nice person to be around lately.
Lately, I've been envying others. Their clothes, their jobs, their lives, their situations, where they live - I think to myself "wow, they are so lucky" or "I wish I was more like that" "I wish I had those things" - and it takes me a minute to realize that most of the things I'm envying of others, I do have. I'm just not taking the time to enjoy & appreciate it. I've never been a fan of the phrase "this should be the happiest time in your life!" because it puts unfair & unrealistic pressure on what you "should" be feeling. Big moments can feel happy, sad & scary and still be wonderful. But I think I am missing out on some of the "happy". Yes, it's OK to be worried & stressed, but remember that this is a HAPPY time, a wonderful time, a time others ill envy YOU for (that sounds awful, but it helps put things into perspective for me!)
Anyway - this all came about when I was looking at these photos, specifically the one of the groom crying when he sees his bride for the first time. I saw it first on pinterest, with the caption "I'd like to be adored like this someday".
I've (sort of jokingly) said to Tyler - "Um, don't bawl your eyes out at the wedding. Don't stand up there sobbing. I know you're gonna." I was (I think) so nervous myself about the emotions of the day, I thought I wanted him to be strong. But now, seeing it from afar - how lucky am I? How dare I tell my husband-to-be not to feel exactly what he feels on our wedding day? To tell him to hide that precious, perfect moment when he sees me for the first time? People want that. I want that. (Well, to clarify, I'm not asking Tyler to now cry, I want him to do whatever he feels at the time.)
So, Tyler: I'm sorry I try to control things. It's just because I'm scared. But you are perfect to me, and I just want you to keep being you. I'm sorry if I don't always appreciate you until I notice others appreciating your qualities. I know I have a lot to be thankful for.