Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Being Brave

People have been asking Tyler & I if we are excited, nervous, ready, etc., since the wedding is approaching quickly. And our latest response has been, "we just want the day to get here already." Sadly, we both say this in an exasperated, "let's get this over with" tone. Which is not really how we feel deep down. We are just both tired.

Tired of opinions, tired of changing plans, tired of disappointing & being disappointed. Tired of being surprised that, even though we thought every single person that we invited knew us just so well, some people seem to not know us at all. To think that Tyler & I want anything other than a wonderfully relaxed day with our closest friends & family & to just celebrate our love, is beyond me. There is nothing else we want. 

Getting married is a brave leap of faith. Madeleine L’Engle says it perfectly in "The Irrational Season" when she says "ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take.If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected."

As a daughter of a broken 20-year marriage, I really believe that getting married is a risk, and when you love someone as I do Tyler, you look at them and see that the risk of not being together, of not trying, far outweighs the risk of trying.

But having a wedding is also being brave, and I had no idea. We could have just eloped - and sometimes I wonder why we didn't. Well, we didn't because gosh, do we ever LOVE our family and friends. 9/9/12 not only celebrates how lucky we feel to have found each other, but how lucky we feel to have been blessed with such loving family & friends. 

BUT. But we are both the first to be married on both sides. And there are a lot of... opinions. And expectations. And I think most of them come from a place of people being excited for us, but sometimes that doesn't come through. It's a lot. It is A LOT to plan a wedding and get married and coordinate family and friends and to be the center of attention (even if, ahem, you usually love it). It really forces you to, at the end of the day, choose what makes YOU and your HUSBAND TO BE happy. Because that is what this is all about - that is what this new life we are embarking on is about. Making each other happy. I can honestly say that when I feel disappointed, or if someone feels disappointed in me, I look at Tyler and think, "Is Tyler disappointed? Are we happy with our choice?", and as long as THAT answer is "no" and "yes", I'm good.

So, Tyler - it's going to be worth it. All the little stresses will melt away when we see each other for the first time as Stewie walks me down the aisle. Because we make each other happy - we always have and we always will. And this wedding stuff (or "wedding poop" as we have so lovingly called it) will have just served as a stepping stone to where we both know that the most important thing is to just make sure we are both happy.  (And yaknow what? The important people will be happy no matter what our choices are, they will just be happy because we are happy. That is love.)

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