Thursday, December 27, 2012

Bridesmaid Question

Dear Hayley,

A very close friend of mine is planning her wedding. Our mutual friend, the one who just cannot be excited for her, may or may not be in the bridal party. It's going to be awkward because out of the foursome (our college group of friends) she would be the only one not in the bridal party. 

The bride is very conflicted because 1) Does she endure annoying friend for one day or allow this to be a huge falling out. 

Sure she could endure it for a day but it's her wedding day sooo I dunno it's quite a pickle. 


PS makes it worse: this friend was in my wedding party. 
A Friend

Dear Friend,

OK. I will cal the bride "bride" and the friend "annoying girl".
Is annoying girl ALWAYS annoying? Or is she going through a rough patch? Is this consistent with her personality (being jealous, annoying, not happy for others, etc.) or is this just something she is sensitive about?
If this is a VERY dear friend who bride considers family, who she sees herself being friends with for a long time, who is usually lovely and supportive but is probably going through her own stuff right now... I would say put her in the bridal party. And it couldn't hurt to have an honest conversation with her, to acknowledge that annoying girl maybe hasn't been as supportive as bride has hoped; and that bride wants nothing more than to share her special day with annoying girl. Weddings bring up everyone's shit. A lot of people get uncomfortable & downright rude. SOMETIMES it's worth it to be a bit sensitive to that.
If this chick is just normally not a supportive person, WARNING. IT WILL JUST GET WORSE. Your bridesmaids should be the people who you can turn to when the wedding shit gets crazy. They should NEVER be the cause of the shit. Not to toot my own horn, but my bridesmaids were freaking. unbelievable. Constantly helping, asking what they could do, SO SUPPORTIVE and GENUINELY happy for me. They submitted to all of my crazy crafts and ideas, and if they didn't think that every single idea I thought was just pure genius, I had no idea. They were exactly what bridesmaids should be, and your friend deserves no less. IT'S HER WEDDING DAY. The only thing she has to "endure" is family, and only if her family is paying. If they aren't, she doesn't even need to really deal with that, hah! A bridesmaid shouldn't be an endurance.
Let this be the catalyst to call out a crappy friend. Who wants more crappy friends? I don't understand why people want to maintain crappy relationships.
Dear dear bride. It is your wonderful wonderful perfect fairytale day where you marry the man of your dreams (i hope). Don't try to please everyone. It's impossible. Please yourself, and your husband. And those who truly love & care about you will be pleased, for the simple fact that YOU are pleased. I promise.

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